|
[12 Apr 2006|10:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 mellow |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Glamour Boy ~ The Guess Who |
] |
It appears Kilobyte's bombshell has now been entirely released, allowing me to now comment on recent events.
The mortal world seems strangely underpopulated with our sort now. Five by my count of the so-called good guys here; no threat at present, though once the minions get a little more organised following the flux life could get a little harder for them, and I don't merely refer to subtle threats.
I should disappear; this place could do with some attempts at sorting out, even if I am no heavyweight in the power stakes.
|
|
| Worlds change. |
[29 Sep 2005|11:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Evil overlord ranting. Yet again. |
] |
Obviously.
The contrast to the human world is rather glaringly clear after time spent there. On the bright side of things, the world is highly suited for those of our moral persuasion (despite Ace Lightning's continued evasion), and there are many members of our species around. On the downside, few of those approach even a modicum of intelligence.
What precisely summoned the three of us here is not quite clear, though--from my perspective it seemed as though one being destroyed meant that all of us would be taken through the portal, but that shouldn't be how it works. Hardly in the rulebook.
But none of this was in the rulebook, was it? Which is a line that has been bandied about dozens of times, but its veracity is entirely unimpeached.
|
|
| It has been a while, hasn't it? |
[15 Aug 2005|07:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pensive |
] |
Anyone miss me, especially attractive redheads?
I could, I suppose, digress on the subject of various human media I have been exploring--believe me, you would not wish to know the definition of the word 'slash', 'fangirls' are entirely insane--but it seems pointless.
So there is not much to tell and less that I can afford to do so, though Kilobyte is occupied in completing something obscurely-defined and vaguely-though-extremely-threatening involving human machinery, most likely governmental information and financial storage and the like.
On a somewhat more serious note, the Sixth Dimension is in something resembling dire peril. It was not real. I can accept that. But that it is all-but-destroyed, together with its wonders and intricacies and connections to the identity I claim, is something I do not like the idea of being forced to accept.
|
|
| So much for boredom. |
[12 Jul 2005|07:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
There is a certain excitement to battle. Mortals would blame it on the hormone adrenaline; we, of course, have it in our nature.
Admittedly, we were also outnumbered, which added a certain undesirable element to the proceedings, but it was...exciting, and interesting. (With no especially irritating consequences.)
The Master Programmer? Hardly a danger to us, especially after I destroyed most of his machinery. He seems a coward and a fool to me.
Somehow I get the impression Lord Fear has developed rather a personal grudge towards me. Can't think why. Really. He is far more formidable than Kilobyte thinks, not that I can't look after myself in a fight.
Still, despite the somewhat unlikely alliance of Knights and evils, I think we...acquitted ourselves well in battle. Even if Kilobyte delayed killing the mortal just long enough for the rescuers to arrive. Mind you, the redhead was a little more forceful when grabbing the Programmer than he'd probably have liked. A pity we did not duel each other this time.
|
|
| You owe me a hairtie. |
[06 Jul 2005|10:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irritated |
] |
Rather passionate young woman, that. It's a pity she lacks the necessary comprehensive abilities. If I had been less scrupulous and less shocked I would have perhaps stayed longer.
Quite talented with a sword, too, though I get the impression that if one laid innuendo onto that statement one would be sliding into rather murky waters of inappropriate maturity.
And, ahem, asking minions about why their clothing is slightly deshabille is not tactful in any dimension.
Must go. Something about the Master Programmer missing?
|
|
| Came across these lists on the mortal Internet. Most fascinating. |
[29 Jun 2005|01:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
restless |
] |
Tips for the Evil Henchman:
1. Avoid getting sent to rough up the Hero. Ransacking hotel rooms is probably safe, but going 'round to beat up the good guys is a sure ticket to the bottom of the Thames. Remember, however, that all Heroes get roughed up at least once, so if this has never happened to the Hero, go for it!
I rather get the impression his 'roughing up' has already occurred. However, I’m not afraid of taking him on again should the occasion arise.
2. Avoid killing people not actively involved in the rebellion; the Evil Overlord has enough enemies as it is. Especially don't kill relatives, significant others, or best friends of the Hero. Normally after the Evil Overlord is overthrown, henchmen can get off with a few hundred hours of community service, but if you off the Hero's loved ones, he'll make lasagna out of you.
I might have to, if they choose to fight alongside him. And while the concern for my welfare is touching, I’m quite capable of looking after myself.
3. Unless the Evil Overlord pays extra for indiscriminate slaughter, avoid it. Why should you give your services away for free?
Yes, exactly. I avoid indiscriminate slaughter. It’s tacky and pointless.
4. As tempting as it may be, never try to ravish the Evil Overlord's beautiful-but-wicked daughter. She can probably mop the floor with you. Daddy will not try to stop her.
Ravish, no. Most women of the Sixth Dimension are extremely formidable, and I prefer my testicles in their current location. Charm, perhaps, if he even HAD a daughter of appropriate age, maturity, and appeal.
5. Learn where the trap door is in Evil Overlord's audience chamber. Avoid standing there, especially when bad news is brought to the Evil Overlord.
This would perhaps be sensible advice, if he had a trapdoor. Or an audience chamber per se. But why would he destroy me if bad news is “brought” to him, I assume from a third party?
6. As soon as the Evil Overlord has the Hero in his power, seek the nearest available escape route. The fewmets are about to hit the windmill.
Escaping is cowardly and dishonourable. I will remain on my guard at all such times, though, as is sensible. Especially if the Evil Overlord wants to taunt or torture the Hero before he gets around to destroying him. In my experience as a minion, that's never a good idea.
7. Learn to distinguish Heroes from Sidekicks. Heroes are usually taller and more somber, while Sidekicks dress with more flair and tell more jokes. Taking on the Hero when you only have enough manpower/firepower to take on the Sidekick will earn you an all-expenses-paid trip on Stygian Cruise Lines.
Yes, I see that distinguishing method actually works quite well. But I took on the Sidekick once and lost (purposefully and chivalrously, of course). What does that imply?
8. Never allow yourself to be provoked into doing anything stupid by insults from the Hero or Sidekicks.
Yes, yes, I’ll bear that in mind.
9. No matter how attractive the captured heroine is or how seductively she bats her eyes, she really does not want to sleep with you. Do not unlock the cell door.
I’ve always thought of social and professional lives as strictly separate. Perhaps some “heroines” agree?
10. If the hero gives you a chance to surrender or flee, take it.
That would be dishonourable. Besides, even assuming he wasn’t bluffing, I could always teleport in a quick escape.
11. If you surrender to the Hero, don't try to stab him when his back is turned; the Sidekick will get you first.
I wouldn’t do either. See above. Unless, of course, the Sidekick ‘getting’ me was interpreted in a vastly different manner to the apparent intention…
12. If the seemingly helpless person you have just cornered is confident and unafraid despite being outnumbered and surrounded, you have encountered a Hero in disguise. Run while you still can.
I don’t think the Lightning Knights do disguises. It's probably against Rule 96B(i) of the Code or something. Although I did read something about black leather and dresses, so perhaps I am mistaken. Either way, I’ll bear that in mind, but cornering helpless people is usually both pointless and tacky.
13. If the Hero you are sent after dresses entirely in black, he is even more dangerous than the Evil Overlord suspects; double all requisitions for men and firepower.
I wear black. Does that mean I am dangerous? I’m flattered you noticed.
14. Practice your "accidental" sword/gun dropping technique. It's the only thing that can save you when the Hero is winning.
I’m hardly expected to fail on purpose, am I? This is stupid.
15. When you have someone at gunpoint and that person says "you haven't got the guts to kill me," disprove his/her hypothesis.
Mortal weapon, right? The quick kill is more standard. It spares one’s opponent from having to beg for mercy.
16. The Evil Overlord will not risk his life to save yours. Why risk yours for his?
The risk is the point, the reason for the paycheck, and the honour.
17. If the Hero is using you as a human shield and the Evil Overlord asks you if the Doomsday Weapon is prepared, say "no."
Now that would be distinctly un-Knightly for the Hero to do such a thing. I wonder if we even have a Doomsday Weapon? Or is that a reference to the Amulet of Zoar?
18. If the Evil Overlord orders you to kill some prisoners and then departs for business elsewhere, leave as quickly as possible; there is about to be a successful rescue attempt.
I’m sure he’s capable of doing any required killing himself, and would probably enjoy it.
19. Never allow yourself to be turned into a vicious, ravening beast to defeat the Hero. It never works, and you girlfriend will not understand. She will dump you for one of the Good Guys.
I’m dangerous enough in this form, thank you very much, and I’ll leave the shapeshifting to those with the abilities for it.
20. Never hold hostages at point-blank range. Anyone quick enough to even back into the role of Hero can punch you out faster than you can pull the trigger.
I don’t bother to take hostages. Helpless innocents offer little of a challenge.
21. When disposing of bodies, dump them in the Evil Overlord's territory, and not in neighboring lands presently outside of his control.
For us that’s a bit of a complex issue, since it’s rather hard for us to die. We simply return to the Sixth Dimension, and we usually dissolve rather than become corpses. I suppose this suggestion is logical enough, but I'm hardly qualified as 'morgue attendant', thank you very much.
22. Find out where the Evil Overlord has installed the self-destruct switch for his secret base (the real switch, not the decoy), and disable it at the first opportunity. The base will get blown up anyway, but this way your chances of escaping are better.
I will have ask whether such a switch exists, which I doubt, but disabling it without his knowledge sounds somewhat treacherous.
23. Don't let the Evil Overlord use you as a lab animal.
I was hired as a swordsman, not experimental fodder.
24. If you can't avoid being used as a guinea pig by the Evil Overlord, any powers you gain from the experiment will make it needful for the Hero to kill you at some point during the Heroic Struggle. Change sides and take your just revenge.
I don’t admire betrayal.
25. There is no need to yell when you are attacking the Hero. Especially when you're doing it from behind.
I don’t yell. It’s so plebeian.
26. The recommended method for checking to see if the Hero is still alive is to shoot him in the head.
No, the recommended method for checking to see if the Hero is still alive is to check if he has faded into the Datastream, which should be fairly obvious. Stupid mortals.
|
|
|
[20 Jun 2005|01:23pm] |
Nothing much to report.
In particular, nothing much public.
Are humans all as irritating as the Master Programmer? Admittedly if I were kept a chained prisoner my generally-pleasant demeanour would change, but this whining is excessive. Besides, he controlled us. A lot more than Kilobyte is him. I think he may be trying to convert me over to his side, but absolute power and world domination sound rather improbable as well as tedious. Why bother with absolute anything? Half of the charm offered by life is the difficulty of achievement.
And is there a good reason why the two most attrative women in the Sixth Dimension appparently fancy (or fancied) a skeleton?
On another note, I really think I should revamp my userinfo one of these days. None of the bio ever happened. Though I rather like the idea of fangirls and fanfiction. It flatters me.
|
|
| Kilobyte was right about mortals. |
[11 Jun 2005|07:18pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
painfully depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Evil whining of the 'immediate threat to minion health' sort |
] |
What was your name? Mark? You asked me for advice, and then gave our location to our enemies.
Funny. Aren't you heroes suppposed to be the ones with a sense of honour?
In case you're interested, I've now thoroughly backed up the hard drive. And you have proved you are not defenceless. I have no particular scruples about murdering children.
Must go. Am getting ranted at in a rather painful way.
Traitor.
|
|
|
[06 Jun 2005|09:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Quixotic. It suits me. |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Evil plotting, scheming and laughter. How tacky. |
] |
How tedious can evil hideouts get?
(No, I'm not going to elaborate, sir Kilobyte. Yes, I can occasionally refrain from talking; I have the capability to be extremely silent. When I want to. I'm fully experienced in clandestine operations...then again, considering all our origins that's probably just a programmed memory. Which is quite fascinating, really, considering Descartes' demon and...very well, I'll end it there.)
Certain mortal dimensions appear to possess more sentient-and-attractive beings of our species than others. This could prove interesting.
|
|
| Hmm. Fascinating. |
[02 Jun 2005|06:01pm] |
With all the furor--I believe the human term is wankage--going on, I thought I should add my own valuable contribution to the debate.
Interesting place, the mortal world. I wish I had been able to stay longer, but thanks to certain people that was not an option.
Well. I am still myself, the Sixth Dimension is a world big enough for me, and I still owe money to one or two bartenders.
Black is an excellent color for clothing. Especially of the leather variety. Even so, the existential angst that mortals sometimes place with the colour is somewhat irritating.
That's it, really.
|
|
| I would have won. |
[27 May 2005|01:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Why is it red?! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Another Level ~ Freak me |
] |
I am back, after a brief sojourn to the mortal dimension, where I chivalrously and purposefully surrendered the victory of a swordfight to my opponent. Who was a very ungracious winner, and made a lot of noise. And the names! Honestly, do I look like a ‘Toad Boy’ to you? Or any other sort of boy? And I most certainly am not ‘Loud-Mouthed Pond Scum’!
However, I will say that my opponent handled her sword well, and was quick and smooth. One might expect her to perform equally as well in other areas. I think I should like to get to know her better.
|
|
|
[23 May 2005|08:07pm] |
|
Greetings, all. It is I, Kellamy de'Fuerte, that marvelous elf. I'm gracing you with my presence because, well, business is rather quiet at the moment. Anyone hiring?
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
true_avenger's journal
energetic